Paradoxical Quotations |
Bizarre, absurd, irrational, often self-contradictory sayings and quotes that do not make much sense.
Meaning of Life
 | To be or not to be… Neither one nor the other. — Emile M. Cioran, 1911-1995, French-Romanian philosopher 11 likes |
Human Being
 | That man is the noblest creature may also be inferred from the fact that no other creature has yet contested this claim. — Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, 1742-1799, German author of maxims 10 likes |
Identity
 | I'm glad I'm not me. — Bob Dylan, 1941-, American singer [Nobel 2016] 12 likes |
World
 | Place is the greatest thing, as it contains all things. Μέγιστον τόπος. Άπαντα γαρ χωρεί. — Thales of Miletus, 643-548 BC, Ancient Greek philosopher 20 likes |
 | If the word doesn't exist, invent it; but first be sure it doesn't exist. — Charles Baudelaire, 1821-1867, French poet 12 likes |
 | The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest. — Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007, American writer 5 likes |
Life
 | People find life entirely too time-consuming. — Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims 10 likes |
Death
 | I never think that people die. They just go to department stores. — Andy Warhol, 1928-1987, American artist 26 likes |
| I am against using death as a punishment. I am also against using it as a reward. — Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims 13 likes |
 | Behind every man now alive stand thirty ghosts, for that is the ratio by which the dead outnumber the living. — Arthur Clarke, 1917-2008, British Sci-Fi writer 11 likes |
 | When I die, I will not see myself die, for the first time. — Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet 10 likes |
Suicide
 | Write something, even if it's just a suicide note. — Gore Vidal, 1925-2012, American writer 39 likes |
Astrology
| I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical. — Arthur Clarke, 1917-2008, British Sci-Fi writer 15 likes |
Afterlife
 | In the afterlife, we’ll sit around talking about the good old days, when we wished that we were dead. — Samuel Beckett, 1906-1989, Irish writer, Nobel 1969 25 likes |
| Only the dead can be resurrected. It’s more difficult with the living. — Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims 10 likes |
God
 | If the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God. — H.L. Mencken, 1880-1956, American columnist & cultural critic 12 likes |
 | God does not believe in our God. — Jules Renard, 1864-1910, French writer 8 likes |
Christianity
 | If Christ were here, there is one thing he would not be—a Christian. — Mark Twain, 1835-1910, American writer 23 likes |
Devil
 | God exists. He is the devil. — Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist 12 likes |
Transience
 | Only the ephemeral lasts. — Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright 7 likes |
Duration
| Only the ephemeral lasts. — Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright 7 likes |
Age
 | That’s the real trouble with the world. Too many people grow up. — Walt Disney, 1901-1966, American businessman & cartoonist 7 likes |
Speed
 | Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. — Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015, British writer 14 likes |
Environment
 | All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk. — Ronald Reagan, 1911-2004, American President [1981-1989] 8 likes |
Light
| Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. — Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015, British writer 14 likes |
Night
 | There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. — George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian 15 likes |
Flowers
 | The flower in the vase smiles, but no longer laughs. — Malcolm de Chazal, 1902-1981, Mauritian thinker & aphorist 4 likes |
Trees
 | There’s nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend. |
Opinion
 | I don’t necessarily agree with everything that I say. — Marshall McLuhan, 1911-1980, Canadian academic & media theorist |
Memory
| In the afterlife, we’ll sit around talking about the good old days, when we wished that we were dead. — Samuel Beckett, 1906-1989, Irish writer, Nobel 1969 25 likes |
Appearance
 | If we could see how women would look twenty years later, we would not marry them twenty years before. — Georges Feydeau, 1862-1921, French playwright 9 likes |
Health
| There are diseases that are healthy. — Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright 4 likes |
Psychology
 | Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy. — Karl Kraus, 1874-1936, Austrian writer 10 likes |
Preferences
| Cannibals prefer those who have no spines. — Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims 7 likes |
Genius
 | The truth is, a great mind must be androgynous. — Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1772-1834, English poet & philosopher 7 likes |
Bravery
 | It takes a brave man to be a coward in the Red Army. — Joseph Stalin, 1879-1953, Soviet leader 22 likes |
Patience
| I can wait for you longer. Because you have arrived. — Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet 3 likes |
Greatness
| If the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God. — H.L. Mencken, 1880-1956, American columnist & cultural critic 12 likes |
Cowardice
| It takes a brave man to be a coward in the Red Army. — Joseph Stalin, 1879-1953, Soviet leader 22 likes |
Audacity
| Fondle a circle and it will become vicious. — Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright 9 likes |
Annoyance
 | If Roosevelt were alive today, he’d turn over in his grave. — Sam Goldwyn, 1879-1974, American film producer 3 likes |
Disbelief
| I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical. — Arthur Clarke, 1917-2008, British Sci-Fi writer 15 likes |
Absurdity
| You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. — George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian 9 likes |
Marriage
 | I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man. — Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, British Prime Minister 11 likes |
| If we could see how women would look twenty years later, we would not marry them twenty years before. — Georges Feydeau, 1862-1921, French playwright 9 likes |
Meetings
| I can wait for you longer. Because you have arrived. — Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet 3 likes |
Arguing
| I don’t necessarily agree with everything that I say. — Marshall McLuhan, 1911-1980, Canadian academic & media theorist |
Treating others
 | To be rude to him was courtesy. — Dante, 1265-1321, Italian poet 4 likes |
Protection
| We shelter an angel within us. We must be the guardians of that angel. — Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist 7 likes |
Solitude
| I had a lot of dates, but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows. — Andy Warhol, 1928-1987, American artist 6 likes |
Prison
| Nothing is not only nothing. It is also our prison. — Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet 9 likes |
Army
| It takes a brave man to be a coward in the Red Army. — Joseph Stalin, 1879-1953, Soviet leader 22 likes |
War & Peace
 | Someday they'll give a war and nobody will come. — Carl Sandburg, 1878-1967, American poet 7 likes |
Language
 | Music has seven letters, writing has twenty-six notes |
 | The original is unfaithful to the translation. |
Painting
 | Degas is one of the very few painters who have given the floor its true importance. — Paul Valery, 1871-1945, French poet 2 likes |
Colors
| The only thing worse than yellow snow is green snow. |
Music
| Music has seven letters, writing has twenty-six notes |
First phrases
 | It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. — George Orwell, 1903-1950, British writer (first phrase of “1984”) 6 likes |
Poetry
| Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance. — Carl Sandburg, 1878-1967, American poet 5 likes |
Writing
| The original is unfaithful to the translation. |
Hypotheses
| If Christ were here, there is one thing he would not be—a Christian. — Mark Twain, 1835-1910, American writer 23 likes |
Options
| To be or not to be… Neither one nor the other. — Emile M. Cioran, 1911-1995, French-Romanian philosopher 11 likes |
Experience
 | I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin. — Oscar Levant, 1906-1972, American pianist 6 likes |
Computers
 | Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. — Joseph Campbell, 1904-1987, American academic 8 likes |
Reality
 | Reality is frequently inaccurate. — Douglas Adams, 1952-2001, British Sci-Fi writer 4 likes |
Punishment
| I am against using death as a punishment. I am also against using it as a reward. — Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims 13 likes |
Happiness
| True happiness is to reminisce the present. — Jules Renard, 1864-1910, French writer 6 likes |
Uncertainty
| We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! — Douglas Adams, 1952-2001, British Sci-Fi writer 6 likes |
Troubles
| When you're in the shit up to your neck, there's nothing left to do but sing. — Samuel Beckett, 1906-1989, Irish writer, Nobel 1969 5 likes |
Cats
| All cats are mortal. Socrates is mortal. Therefore Socrates is a cat. — Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright (making a parody of the classic syllogism by Aristotle) 7 likes |
Wolves
| There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. — George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian 15 likes |
Void
| Nothing is not only nothing. It is also our prison. — Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet 9 likes |
Mirror
| Mirrors would do well to reflect a little more before sending back images. — Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist 5 likes |
Holes
 | What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone? |
Difference
 | There are no differences but differences of degree between different degrees of difference and no difference. — William James, 1842-1910, American philosopher 10 likes |
Rules
| Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. — Joseph Campbell, 1904-1987, American academic 8 likes |
