| Environment | |
 | The planet is fine. The people are fucked. — George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian 14 likes |
 | What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 4 likes |
| Weather | |
| Weather forecast for tonight: dark. — George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian 8 likes |
 | It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming! — Donald Trump, 1946-, President of the USA 3 likes |
 | Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. |
| Light | |
 | Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. |
 | He’d been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower. |
| Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. — Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015, British writer 14 likes |
| Shadow | |
| I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing. — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 6 likes |
| Earth | |
 | Humanity is a disease of the earth. There are no humans on healthy planets. |
| Sea | |
 | The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree — Spike Milligan, 1918-2002, Irish comedian 4 likes |
| I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it. — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 3 likes |
| How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there? — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 3 likes |
| Night | |
| The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, “where the hell is my roof?” — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 7 likes |
| What a nice night for an evening. — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 2 likes |
 | I'm for anything that gets you through the night, be it prayer, benzedrine or a bottle of Jack Daniel's. — Frank Sinatra, 1915-1998, American singer 5 likes |
| Darkness | |
| Weather forecast for tonight: dark. — George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian 8 likes |
| They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles — George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian 4 likes |
| What is the speed of dark? — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 4 likes |
| Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. — Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015, British writer 3 likes |
| Animals | |
 | If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? — Anonymous 4 likes |
 | Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. — Fred Allen, 1894-1956, American comedian 2 likes |
 | On the neck of a giraffe a flea begins to believe in immortality. |
| Plants | |
 | My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. — Mitch Hedberg, 1968-2005, American comedian 4 likes |
 | What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon? — Jerry Seinfeld, 1954-, American comedian 4 likes |
| What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 4 likes |
| Trees | |
| Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. |
| Dogs | |
 | I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers. — Rodney Dangerfield, 1924-2004, American comedian 4 likes |
 | Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. — Groucho Marx, 1890-1977, American comedian 4 likes |
| Dogs are forever in the push up position. — Mitch Hedberg, 1968-2005, American comedian 3 likes |
| Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. — Rodney Dangerfield, 1924-2004, American comedian 3 likes |
 | Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it. — Laurence J Peter, 1919-1990, Canadian writer & educator 2 likes |
 | Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job. |
| Cats | |
 | Our vet told us that because of my cooking our cat has only two lives left. — Phyllis Diller, 1917-2012, American comedian 3 likes |
| Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. |
| Horses | |
 | The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. — Henry Youngman, 1906-1998, American comedian 3 likes |
| Birds | |
| Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. — Steven Wright, 1955-, American comedian 6 likes |
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