Quotes by
Mitch Hedberg |
Mitchell Lee Hedberg, 1968-2005 , American comedian
American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor. | 14 quotes | 1,953 visits |
Funny Quotes
| • | The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. 6 |
| • | When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away. 5 |
| • | My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. 4 |
| • | One time, a guy handed me a picture and said, “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger. 4 |
| • | I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long. 4 |
| • | I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. 4 |
| • | I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. 3 |
| • | My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero? 3 |
| • | I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. 3 |
| • | I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. 3 |
| • | Dogs are forever in the push up position. 3 |
| • | Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. 3 |
| • | I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. 2 |
| • | If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. 2 |
