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Quotes by

Fred Allen

1894-1956 ,  American comedian
Fred AllenJohn Florence Sullivan, known professionally as Fred Allen, was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically-pointed radio program The Fred Allen Show (1932–1949) made him one of the most popular humorists in the Golden Age of American radio.

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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

Funny Quotes

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.


Similar sources

 George Carlin

 George Burns

 Henry Youngman

 Groucho Marx

 Mitch Hedberg

 Phyllis Diller

 Rodney Dangerfield

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2017: Manolis Papathanassiou