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Quotes by

Karl Kraus

1874-1936 ,  Austrian writer
Karl KrausAustrian writer and journalist, known as a satirist, essayist, aphorist, playwright and poet. He directed his satire at the press, German culture, and German and Austrian politics.

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Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy.

Christianity has enriched the erotic meal with the appetizer of curiosity and the dessert of remorse.

Mankind became hysterical in the Middle Ages because it poorly repressed the sexual impressions of its Greek boyhood.

Progress celebrates Pyrrhic victories over nature.

The tyranny of necessity grants its slaves three kinds of freedom: opinion free from intellect, entertainment free from art, and orgies free from love.

An aphorism can never be the whole truth; it is either a half-truth or a truth-and-a-half.

My unconscious knows more about the consciousness of the psychologist than his consciousness knows about my unconscious.

War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that the enemy too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost.

Science is spectral analysis. Art is light synthesis.

In one ear and out the other: this would still make the head a transit station. What I hear has to go out the same ear.

Since the law prohibits the keeping of wild animals and I get no enjoyment from pets, I prefer to remain unmarried.

Only he is an artist who can make a riddle out of a solution.

Today's literature: prescriptions written by patients.

The real truths are those that can be invented.

Language is the mother of thought, not its handmaiden.

The closer the look one takes at a word, the greater the distance from which it looks back.

My language is the common prostitute that I turn into a virgin.

The making of a journalist: no ideas and the ability to express them.

Education is what most people receive, many pass on, and few have.

So-called psychoanalysis is the occupation of lustful rationalists who trace everything in the world to sexual causes - with the exception of their occupation.

Psychoanalysis: a rabbit that was swallowed by a boa constrictor who just wanted to see what it was like in there.

Psychology is as useless as directions for using poison.

How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.

The immorality of men triumphs over the amorality of women.

Moral responsibility is what is lacking in a man when he demands it of a woman.

The woman takes one for all, and the man all for one.

There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman's shoe and has to settle for the whole woman.

A man's jealousy is a social institution, a woman's prostitution an instinct.

Nothing is more unfathomable than a woman's superficiality.

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful.

The superman is a premature ideal, one that presupposes a man.

The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people meaner.

The world is a prison in which solitary confinement is preferable.

Solitude would be an ideal state if one were able to pick the people one avoids.

Squeeze human nature into a straitjacket of criminal justice and crime will appear!

Family life is an encroachment on private life.

Life is an effort that deserves a better cause.

The development of technology will leave only one problem: the infirmity of human nature.

You don't even live once.

Keep your passions in check, but beware of giving your reason free rein.

Lord, forgive them, for they know what they do!

A weak man has doubts before a decision; a strong man has them afterwards.

To be sure, the dog is loyal. But why, on that account, should we take him as an example? He is loyal to man, not to other dogs.

Satire that the censor understands is rightly censored.

In Berlin, things are serious but not hopeless. In Vienna, they are hopeless but not serious.

The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.

The “rights” of women are men's duties.

When a culture feels that its end has come, it sends for a priest.

Cosmetics is the science of a woman's cosmos.

Anesthesia: wounds without pain. Neurasthenia: pain without wounds.

Ingratitude is often disproportionate to the benefaction received.

Most people only do what they are asked to do; success comes to those who do a little more.

Art is something that is so perfectly clear that no one comprehends it.

Feminine passion is to masculine as an epic is to an epigram.

A journalist is stimulated by a deadline. He writes worse when he has time.

A great deal of learning can be packed into an empty head.

Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower.

Democracy divides people into workers and loafers. It makes no provision for those who have no time to work.

Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays.

To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all.

Morality is the tendency to pour out the baby with the bathwater.

I am already so popular that anyone who vilifies me becomes more popular than I am.

Artists have a right to be modest and a duty to be vain.

Funny Quotes

There are women who are not beautiful but only look that way.

A woman is, occasionally, quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

I don't like to meddle in my private affairs.

Newspapers have roughly the same relationship to life as fortune-tellers to metaphysics.

Medicine: “Your money and your life!”


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