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Quotes by

Woody Allen

1935- ,  American actor & film director
Woody AllenAmerican film director, screenwriter, actor, comedian, playwright, and author, best known for his bittersweet comic films containing elements of parody, slapstick, and the absurd.
Some of the best-known of his over 40 films are Annie Hall (1977), Manhattan (1979), and Hannah and Her Sisters (1986).
Allen won four Academy Awards: three for Best Original Screenplay and one for Best Director (Annie Hall).

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Quotations

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.


Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.


If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right.


My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.


Funny Quotes

It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.


Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage


Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.


I don't think my family liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.


I took a course in speed reading, learning to read straight down the middle of the page, and I was able to go through War and Peace in 20 minutes. It’s about Russia


I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.


I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.


Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.


There have been times when I've thought of suicide but with my luck it'd probably be a temporary solution.


I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.


I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.


Can we actually know the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.


Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.


Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.


Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.


My brain: it's my second favorite organ.


I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.


Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.


I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.


Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.


If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.


I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.


Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.


God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.


Eighty percent of success is showing up.


Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.


I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.












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