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Quotes by

Dave Barry

1947- ,  American journalist
Dave BarryA Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels.

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Quotations

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.


To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.


People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.


We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.


In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.


The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.


Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!


Funny Quotes

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.”


Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.


Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.


The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.


Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.


The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.


Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?


The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.












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2017: Manolis Papathanassiou